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Sunday, February 25, 2007

I haven't been very loyal to you, dear Raeville. I apologise, for one, the lack of posts and those of substance; two, for not even updating you with very interesting events in my life at this moment. Alot has happened, and I realised that I haven't actually said anything about it!

--

Lately, I've been constantly down and out of life after school ideas - you know, the where to after this thoughts. Questions like, what do I want to do and where do I want to go continually circle my mind. I remember the times when I used to think about these things, a year ago, two years ago, three even. And I'd be serious about it. I'd made up my mind about going to university eversince the word "university" encrypted itself into my own vocabulary list. Three years ago, I wanted to do psychology. I wanted to know more about how humans think, and why they think it. I wanted to help people in this department, to listen to them. Come a year later, and I'm stuck in this void with many doors around me - one labelled Fine Arts (photography), another Psychology and another Arts. Although, I told myself not to get too caught up in these kind of thoughts - not then. So, I saved them up for the now. Here I am, in my final year of school and this is truly the time for me to be thinking of what I want to do. Of course, it's not the end of everything. We change, and with change, our decisions transform into different things. Today, I want to do Visual Communications. And really, it's all I'm aiming for right now. I've picked my door, and I'm going to go through it.

I'd taken many people's advice. A number of my friends have told me that I'd be great at advertising. Honestly, I can't see how I'd be great at it, but I'd always been interested in advertising and publishing. When I was younger, I used to make up a magazine. Yes, a magazine. I made a logo, layout and a handwritten copy of a magazine I called "Halraemawan" (do not ask about how that name came about! It was almost 10 years ago!). I even used to write scripts for sequels of movies I really really enjoyed. I did Design and Tech at school for four years, and honestly, I loved it. I didn't come up with the great innovative ideas, but there was some element behind it all that made me enjoy it very much. About three years ago, during the days when I actually had free time, I'd look at a picture and sketch it out (I never traced). Days later, due to boredom, I'd want to colour it, and the only way I could do it, I'd thought, was to scan it into my computer and use Paintshop Pro to do it. So, I did. I took a picture of my sketch and uploaded it to my computer. I'd outline it, colour it, make a background, put a bit of shade, try different techniques in order to achieve this - once it took me 7-10 hours to complete a piece (click here to see!). And to think that all I used was n00b drawing skills to tha max to complete these pieces... Guh. The thing is, I want to see myself creating that magazine's layout, that billboard, that album cover.

For the past few weeks, I'd been looking at what Sydney universities have to offer me in terms of advertising/publishing careers. At first, during the holidays I had made up my mind to do a Bachelor of Arts degree, majoring in Media & Communications (also because it was too hard for me to get into the University of Sydney's Media Comm course). Mum suggested I steer away from BA courses, because they're really for people who want to do teaching or who haven't got an idea of what they really want to do later in life. So, I made an appointment with my school's career teacher and I told her I wanted to aim for the position of an art director or something very similar, and this is what she told me: start from the production side of advertising (there's the production and the marketing side, both totally different things), and from there, work my way up to the big stuff, because starting from the production side of things, you know how things work and what things go together etc. So I asked her, what kind of degrees can I get and where? Visual communications, she said. There is one course as such at the University of Technology Sydney, which is quite difficult to get in this year (with a 90.25 UAI cut-off!). Then she suggested I look at the private colleges in Sydney.

I never really thought of private colleges. The idea of university appealed to me the most, because I'd grown up believing that it's the place you want to be. It's the place every successful and great person comes from. Going to a private college seemed like a distant idea, that I wasn't really willing to take a second look at. I did, anyway. I looked at a number of private colleges, and I found one that appealed to me the most: Billy Blue School of Graphic Arts. It's perfect. Not only do they teach you how to draw, they also teach you the business/marketing side of things - the publishing, typography, advertising side of things. Oh, and it doesn't end there. After three years, you graduate with a very sought after degree awarded by Melbourne's University of Swinburne's Bachelor of Design (Communication Design). And no worries if you suck at drawing, because with the number of hours you spend on drawing during and outside of classes, you learn and will become good at it in no time.

However, I haven't done any Design or Art course at school for the last 2-3 years. And I don't have much to put into my portfolio (which the school wants to see in accepting you). This is my only worry. I have photographs, yes. And I have some writings, yes. Mm, some n00biliciously decent CG drawings. I still worry, though. That it won't be good enough. This school gives me the idea that it is full of innovative and super creative people, who can think of an idea in no time. Me - who am I? I can't stop but wonder, will I belong there? Another thing that worries me, is the fact that I'm not going to university. I mean, I really want to experience uni life, but here's the thing: what does uni have to offer me? Nothing. I haven't seen one course that has appealed to me as much as Billy Blue in the field that I want to be in.

Ah, the future. Life after school seems so frightening.

I got back a few of my assessment tasks back in the past two weeks. Maths came back to me with a pretty decent mark of 74%, which I wasn't disappointed with, seeing that I didn't put as much effort into as I could have. My history extension project proposal came back to me without a solid mark, but a percentage band, which was absolutely gay. I want to know my actual mark so I can see where I really am on the whole. I mean, 60% could mean anything. Oh, and have I told you about my first HSC English assessment task? I think I got something like 65%, which I wasn't very happy with because I really did study hard for that. But I suppose, I just didn't try hard enough.

I hate it when that happens. You think you tried hard enough because you put in a few extra hours of study for that one assessment task. You woke up 30 minutes before usual to practice more maths questions, or you spent at least half an hour after school reading through your English notes, or you put in 10 minutes every second night learning your Japanese vocabulary - and you still get no where but half a mark for it. it's heartwrenching, and I hate it. To me then, all of that isn't good enough. It's needs to be more, and more.

Ohh, how do I balance it all?

Cheers.

& turned on the lights; 07:58

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Just trying to buy time away from studying for my English assessment task tomorrow :)

Me, Nom and Jude
at Jamberoo ("where you control the actionnnnn!" swt.)

Band photo.
Nomnom the drummer, me the guitarist and Jude the... err, golden egg shaker xD

(From left) Annabelle, little Alicia and Chris
at a BBQ Chris cooked up for us.

We went to have Japanese teppan-style BBQ in the city
in celebration of my 18th. They threw food at us, and we had to catch our meals.
It was tres fun :)

(From left) Me, Mr Wilson, Jude and Nom
at the swimming carnival.

(From left) Mr Nunan, me and Jude
at the swimming carnival. :)))

Oh, and here's wishing everyone a Happy Chinese New Year! Go the oink! x)

Cheers!

& turned on the lights; 08:04

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Love is in the air today. Everywhere I look around, there's love in the air. Every second? Every... err, sound?

Bullocks. Valentine's day is overrated. There are those who are absolutely over the top and strolling around on cloud nine with their partners, smiling, singing, dancing. Then, there are those who wish they were up there with the others, smiling, singing and dancing to love. They are the ones who watch from below in envy and only wish to be like them, to live a life like them, to have a partner who cares for them, to be appreciated as a someone - like them. It must be a great feeling, anyhow.

And of course, there's us. The rest of us, who just couldn't give a shit about Valentine's Day, and who get's flowers and chocolates and roses and letters and cards and all that crap. We sit on the sidelines, falling asleep and trying to keep those who weep on the floor quiet. Who needs chocolates and roses and cards and letters and lovers, when we can celebrate being single and merry and without commitments and without stress of thinking of the BESTEST (non-cliched) Valentine's gift for their loved ones! Oh yeah, go us.

But then, I received flowers today, that were actually from Miss Judy Ng, but signed off as Ewan McGregor, which I thought was rather lame - yet, at the same time, very cute. Melissa had asked me why I didn't receive anything from Daniel (Craig, duh. You should know by now!), and I said to her that Daniel's been having a shit week - what with his BAFTA Best Actor loss to Forest Whitaker, and everybody and every journalist being an ass by unappreciating and dishonouring the great work he put into Casino Royale through comments about his tight blue swimmers and killer body. Poor thing. Bastards who don't appreciate his work.

Pictures soon to come! From Jamberoo (boarders closed-weekend) and from random stuff. Birthday, that's what. I apologise for the lack of more frequent updates. School has been veryvery cumbersome and I've been increasingly busy with school commitments such as band (3 times a week, for 3 different bands!), tennis training (3.5 hours of training a week! Including matches on Sat morning, which makes it 6 hours all together!), History extension classes every Wednesday after school for two hours, assessment tasks falling into place one after another, school events (such as the swimming carnival on Friday), study and homework. Sigh. I totally remember the posts I made about my busybusy schedule last year, and this is like the same thing all over again.

Only twice as hard, given that I'm in Year 12 and I have extra homework and study commitments and assessment tasks that actually MEAN something.

Going to bed. Jazz band tomorrow morning, must wake up at 6.30am. Damn it.

Cheers.

& turned on the lights; 18:40

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Cross-posted from my Livejournal with minor edits.

My 18th birthday turned out pretty good. In fact, it turned out to be awesome. I've never felt so thought of by my friends and peers at school and the boarding house.

The moment my 18th year began, I was startled in bed on that very Friday morning, when Melissa woke me up to wish me a happy birthday at 6.30 in the morning. Came tutorgroup time, and Vanessa shouted out that it was my birthday. Fantastic, I thought. I had a band of girls (who I don't really know well!) singing for me - including my tutor teacher. Thanks to Judy Ng, almost the whole school found out that it was my birthday - what with all the shouting and screaming and sticking post-it notes on my back saying "I'M 18 TODAY!".

My boarding mates bought me a chocolate cake, and had all signed a Birthday card for me, which I received on my free/study 5th period back at the boarding house. :)) It was my first ever birthday surprise. I felt so warm inside, and because I'd never been surprised before, I didn't know how to react to everyone. I even forgot to make a wish when I blew the big 18 candle, and also when I put the knife to the cake. I didn't even think about it. What a doofus.

Anyway, I had a great day. It was fantastic. We had Jap dinner (where they throw food at you etc) last night, and that was great. It was all great.

I take back what I said about how unspecial a birthday is. I mean, I really thought that birthdays were just... simply birthdays. They weren't anything very special. Birthdays are basically just the day that you were born on. Is that really worth celebrating? I was proved wrong. I'd honestly never felt so loved on my birthday before.

Oh! Thanks to everyone who wished me on Friday, or any other day. I really appreciated your kind words. To those who forgot, well, let's say I'll let you off this time xD - you've got one year to prepare yourselves.

Cheers! :)

& turned on the lights; 20:28

Thursday, February 08, 2007

HEY you're turning eighteen, one year gone by - BIG DEAL.

WOW you'll be able to drink and smoke and all of that legally! RAHRAHRAH.

OH COOL You're growing up and stuff, it only feels like you were 8 just yesterday! KTHXWATEVA.

Honestly, I'm not entirely excited about me turning eighteen. I mean, yeah I'm going to have all kinds of responsibilities put upon me, and I'll have the ability to legally purchase alcohol, cigarettes and go to bars and clubs and rahrahrah. But at the moment, I couldn't reallyreallyreallyREALLY care less about me stepping into this big number, this big age, this big me. I'm swamped with work, and thoughts about it - you know, all I want to do during my free time is work. Workworkwork. Oh, rest? Mm, maybe for 10 minutes. After that, work.

Anyway, I'm rambling and I have tennis training tomorrow morning at 7am and I need to get up in time. I got back my very first English and Modern History assessment tasks back this week, big you know HSC stuff. I ranked 7th (out of 19) in that Mod. History task, with 75% (WHICH IS A FIRST) and 23rd (out of 46) for English with 65%. Sure, happy sad whatever.

I am going to bed.
Thank GOD we don't have History tomorrow!
Ramblerambleramble!

Cheers! :))))

& turned on the lights; 14:50

Friday, February 02, 2007

So here I am. Sitting on my new bed, in the Year 12 dorm, in Year 12 skin and in the course of my HSC. The feeling? Mmmmmmmeh. It feels the same, only you have this overpowering feeling of being the dominant year, and being at the top of the school, you feel like you've attained full power over everything and everyone. We've already been told not to feel this way, as if we'd turn to the dark side of the force as Yoda once said. I'll grow out of it. It's nothing. It's just a bunch of extra free periods, coffee breaks, cool dorms, a common room and awesome jerseys. I mean, could it get any more exciting than that?

Things, otherwise, have been all right. Besides the part where I can't seem to find my school shoes, so I had to wear my black Chucks to school twice. And, besides the part where I can't seem to find my lamp, too. Things have otherwise been all right. The school has a new additional building, the Isabel Hall Wing, which is all revamped into some high-tech and shiny looking glass house. I find myself travelling from one end of the school to the other, and it gets very very tiring. I just thank God that my tutorgroup isn't up on the top floor of the Isabel HW, otherwise I'd have to walk five flights of stairs, and all spread out in a wide distance.

I finally went to see Miss Potter, starring Renee Zellweger and none other than Mr Ewan McGregor ♥. This made my day. A beautiful movie, about the life story of Beatrix Potter (the author of Peter Rabbit) and how she made her little drawings and stories turn into something huge. If you haven't seen it yet, I suggest you do. Prepare yourself for one very heartwarming and beautiful story.

Norman Warne (Ewan McGregor ♥) [left], Beatrix Potter's (Renee Zellweger) [right]
publisher and love interest in Miss Potter.


Ugh. This weekend is going to be a very very very long one :((( I can't even go out to see mum, who's in town till the end of February (mainly for my birthday). Every first weekend of the year, the boarders have this boarders closed-in weekend, where we're supposed to stay in the boarding house to exercise our "bonding" skills with all the other girls. I know, it's great and stuff, but I'd really like to just settle in by myself - slowly. We're going to Jamberoo, anyway. It's this large water park, sort of thing. And it's supposed to be fun. Well, we went two years ago, but I was young and immature and new - now, I'm in Year 12 and I'm older and it should be fine. Sigh.

I'm so tired. Damn locus and parabola. Damn it to hell.
History Ext Major Project Proposal due this coming Wednesday. Got to get crackin'!

Cheers.
PS. I saw this advertisement showing before the movie started, and I had this idea - film advertising is interesting. Very interesting...

& turned on the lights; 19:20

about me.

raelene. rae. roro.
eighteen years.
malaysian.
completed her final year of school at st caths, sydney.
is a musician, photographer and aspiring designer.
loves travelling, art, music, great food, clear blue skies, writing and ice-cream.
enjoys drowning in music, strumming random chords on the guitar, playing tennis,
finger-bashing it out on a game console and a bowl of curry laksa.
despises bad traffic, girls with long and fair faces with large contact-lensed eyes, bad food, mascara goop, hard pillows and hard beds.

raeville.

RAEVILLE came about some time in the year of 2001. or 2002. it's been so long that i've forgotten already.
it all started here (i doubt the link works anymore though), in a dodgy little blog page. then it moved to here. a year later, and we moved to better things, namely blogspot.

ps. raeville is best viewed on mozilla firefox. just because it's better :)

webcam.

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plugs.

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recent entries.

Blogger to Wordpress
My relationship with VideoEzy
Uncyclopedia-ed Daniel Craig
Some things I really hate.
A trip down memory lane.
3:27
Shiny happy freakin' people.
Death at a Funeral
Rainy days
Lately

archives.

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